I usually forget the events of my dreams not long after I wake up. But last night’s slumber resonated with me. I don’t know much about dreams other than they are typically triggered by subconscious thoughts or a preoccupation you might have about something. So as I write this, I’m already forgetting bits and pieces, but allow me to share what still lingers in my mind.
It was Maya’s teacher’s birthday (Ms. Bledsoe) and our designated room mom, Jessica, planned a celebration for that evening for the whole class on a Mexican food truck at 6pm (strange, I know…but it’s a dream). All the moms got together to decorate the food truck earlier that afternoon for the big festivities. I decided to volunteer, which I rarely do as my job keeps me so busy. Jessica bought a giant birthday card and gave it to me to sign first, then pass it around to the others. I started writing my note and realized that I took up an entire side. I then proceeded to smudge the ink as I’m a ‘lefty’ and lefties always smudge their cards when they write with pen. Am I wrong?? I panicked as I realized I botched up the card and there wasn’t enough room for the rest of the moms. Being the typical ‘people pleaser’ and wanting to fit in with the other moms (out of guilt for not participating in most school activities – again the subconscious mind is unforgiving), I started to think of ways to fix the problem so Jessica wouldn’t annihilate me. As we were running short on time, I grabbed some keys off a shelf, signaled to Maya ‘let’s go’ and dashed to the car to head to the nearest store to replace the card. As I approached the car, I realized that I swiped someone else’s keys but was too embarrassed to walk all the way back to the bus to get my own keys. So after panicking some more, I called Ernesto and told him to come meet us and help me fix my mistake because he’s REALLY GOOD at rescuing me from bad situations. He showed up promptly (as he always does) and we aimlessly walked about the area looking for a store of any kind. Not sure why we didn’t just jump into his car and pull up the GPS, but again, dreams have no logic.
The three of us ended up in a dark alley and kept walking cautiously. A group of rough-looking young guys walked towards us. They looked to be in their 20’s and 30’s and not friendly types. As we walked past them, they gave Maya and I strange, creepy looks and of course, Ernesto plunged into protective, pissed-off husband/father mode and started to approach the leader of the pack. I begged for him to LET IT GO and keep walking, as I was more concerned about replacing the birthday card! I sighed with relief as he listened to me for once 😉
We were clearly having no luck and the party would begin at any time. I nervously asked a person walking nearby where there was a place that sold greeting cards and gifts. They pointed towards a large shopping mall just around the corner. We kept walking and finally found it. We walked into some shops with no luck. At this point Ernesto and I started arguing about wasting time on all this nonsense, to swallow my pride and just go back and tell the group of moms the truth. But I would NOT have it. My ‘got it together’ mom reputation was ON THE LINE. Frazzled, we entered a 5th and final store asked a shop clerk where we could find greeting cards and gifts. I looked down at my watch (which I never wear, by the way) and it was 6:30pm! I was already 30 minutes late for the party. Surely all the moms were fuming as they sipped their margaritas, looking around for the ‘keeper of the card’ wondering WHERE IT WAS and why they had not signed it yet?!
Back at the store, the clerk was very nice and sensed my despair. He told me that I needed to calm down and gather my composure. Just then, I looked around and realized that Maya was no longer with us. I left her in store #1 and completely forgot about her until we reached store #5. A full-on panic attack ensued as I looked at Ernesto, ready to place all the blame on him. Surely, this was NOT my fault. As the clerk called security and we prepared for a missing child announcement on the mall intercom system, the clerk pointed me to the aisle where the greeting cards were and asked if I still needed one. Brace yourselves. I actually stopped for a second to contemplate whether I should make the quick purchase before hunting for my missing daughter. THE SHAME!!! The idea of sacrificing even one second to save face with the moms vs. looking for my missing daughter.
Needless to say, I woke up in a cold sweat with my heart beating fast. The single thing I feared most happened in my dream! Maya went missing and it felt EERILY real. I rubbed my eyes and looked over. There was Maya sleeping beside me. Her dad laid her next to me after she fell asleep watching Harry Potter. Strangely, there were no cameos in my dream of Harry, Weasly and Hermione or even Professor Dumbledore shedding profound wisdom on my dire situation.
So the moral of the story is don’t let appearances or others’ perception take priority over the well-being of your family. My dream blatantly demonstrated the consequences that can result by not putting family first. I have been officially schooled by my subconscious brain. Thank you all, as always, for checking in!