Holiday Blues

Today, I’d like to write about something very real.  Holiday blues.  Ernesto, Maya and I celebrate holidays and special occasions each year either in Tucson with family or by ourselves in Alabama.  The big ones are Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas and of course, our birthdays.  Right before a ‘big day’ approaches, I always find myself in a funk, gloomy and easily agitated.  I drive my husband crazy.  I treat Maya less than motherly and I just start thinking about all the things that irritate me or that I haven’t accomplished.  It’s the worst time to feel this way and my family certainly doesn’t deserve it.  Yet I allow myself to succumb.  I’m sure a lot of it has to do with being far away from our families and having only each other to lean on during these special times.  It can be very lonely.  I also start to feel a lot of guilt for dragging my husband and daughter 1600 miles away from Arizona, so that I can achieve my career goals and feel important.  I feel shame and guilt for being so selfish, then I start to resent our entire situation.  My husband, who is the most supportive human being on earth, eventually soothes me with his gentle heart and wise words.  Suddenly my dark, sad feelings start to subside.  Unfortunately my daughter is witness these little episodes, but there is such strength in her.  She somehow sees that I’m feeling down and rather than fear the situation, she always tries to console me.  In a lot of ways, she is more in control of her emotions that I am.  I admire that about her.  The strange thing is that I’m not very comfortable expressing these emotions to others.  So my husband and daughter get the brunt of it.  Thankfully, their strength, support and humor always get me though.  So with that, I’ve decided to lift myself from this holiday gloom and embrace this beautiful life we have together.  Thank you for reading and Happy Thanksgiving to you and your families.